7 days left

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The newspapers is warning for monsun-rain. I dont have time for that. #soakingwet #stillhappy

With 7 days left until competion in Kosovo the butterflies in my stomach kills me.

I go down in sort of “focusing mode” where I try to kill all my retarded brain ghosts that is my biggest challenge against me, myself and I. The 7 days prior competition I am in sort of a big bubble. (Apologies to all my collegues:-))

One of the baddest ghost of them all is the feeling of beeing a big elephant when I look on the other runners at competition. I have named that ghost for Olaf.
I dont have the natural runner body, my body is very stabile, strong and is more build for powerlifting (which also involve extra fluff that is hard to get rid of).
But running in trail is so fun so I forget it when I get out in the forest.
Except for when I get exhausted and need to walk.. so the workout instead turning in to a runwalk (haha). That is when Olaf is comming back.
The only way to conquer and win over that bad feeling is just to participate in more competitions.

It has now been 7 months since I took my first runningstep. I couldnt even run 500 meters without getting exhausted.
It started like a fix idea by new years eve 2014/2015. It has now become a passion.
Now I have done my first halfmarathon. I came last, but I did it. Before new year 2015/2016 I will have done my first ultra. In one or two months I will go in to focus-mode-bubble to my US trip. That bubble will last a little bit longer (4 months to be exactly)
My life will be work, run and sleep.. Even if it is going to be my first ultra I am NOT gonna end up in last place.

I run because its meditation.
I run because it makes me free.
I run because its make me happy.
I run because it is the only way me and my ADHD can be friends.
I run because its a way of life.

So Balkan are you readey for me? :-D

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My first trail-halfmarathon in 29 C.

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Yep. This fat turtle just finnished her first trail halfmarathon in 29 Celcius degree. 3.27 isch…Ill see the exact result soon. It was in Kolmården.
The heat was horrible ….it wasnt pretty, it wasnt fast…BUT I DID IT!

After 8 km I tripped and got wounded. So for about 5 km I needed to crawlwalk…then i stopped feeling everything down my hips.. So I could run again. The hardest part is not to stop. If you stop you cant get out again.

But I DID IT!
The interesting part will be driving home with my knee.

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It feels nice to be in good hands with collegues. ;-)

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Tolvanloppet 2015

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I participated in a shortdistanced run today arranged by Bromma IF in Stockholm. My first shortdistance.

I came last in my startgroup “women 6km” or somewhere in the last, not sure. But I won to myself by cutting of my running pace with 1 minute so I ranned 7.30 something. Pretty good for a slowass powerlifter/ Mountain trailrunner like me who prefer distances over 21 km.

There were only “eliterunners” from serious clubs and my brain-ghosts started to play games with me alreadey before the race.

So I played “kill’n’run” with my brainghosts. I put on my favourite item in the whole world: my Oakley sunglasses, music in my ears (soundtrack from Black Hawk Down) and then pictured the mountain I will be running in August and started to run.

It wasn’t so bad to loose at all, against the elite. Because I am a winner to my self.
The important part is that I got a medal. That means that I have finnished. No one like a quitter. ;-) To be honest I haven’t ran that much the past 2 weeks because my energy has been put on coming in to ruoutines with my new job and my new collegues.
So now home and prepp for the other races.
I have 4 more races coming up before August. Mayby I manage to squize in an other one.

I have moved to an other town now where I will have the best conditions for training in the forest. So I cant wait until the Kolmården rundan were I will be doing 21 km.

Hooooa!
BEARPOWER!:-)

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Future outdoor/hiking leader?

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I am realley happy. I woke up this morning by my phone making the “you got mail”-sound.

Apparently I won a competion that I participated earlier this year, when I was at the Outdoor Exhibition 2015 in Älvsjömässan, Sweden.

Friluftsfrämjandet arranged an competition where you could win a leadership education in your “area” in their organisation. There were different areas there and I filled in the form by ticking the “Hiking/outdoor”-box. Other areas was cykling, canoeing etc.
I participated by nominating myself, where I wrote why I should win. They fell for it and I won.

My nomination was:
I have ADHD. If I havent found my love for the outdoor life I am not sure if I would been alive today. My dream is to arrange a trip together with cooperation through other organisations like “Underbara ADHD”. Where we take young adults who have this type of diagnosis and bring them to a hikingweekend in hopefully to inspire them the good things the nature can bring for people like us.

This is the 2nd time I can make something good of something that has been following me like a dark shadow whole my life.

I remember when I was studying courses at the Swedish School of Sport and Health Science I wrote an 7.5 credit essay. The subject was about how you can help young kids with ADHD/ADD/Aspberger/Autism to get more integrated in school through inspired outdoorlessons in PE-class. (Swedish translation:Idrott och Hälsa). Because many with diagnosis are realley succsessfull in sport-classes but they find out it to late. Probaly because they hear from society, school, others that they need to fit in to this box with the other kids. The society never realley understand that their Brains are living in an different world comparing to people without diagnosis.
Anyway, that essay is now used by the school for education purpose for future PE-teachers.

Stay tuned! :)

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Sarplaninsky Skyrace

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Guess who is excited?!?! I am registered and readey to rock’n’roll for the Sarplaninsky Skyrace!

Here is the map over the route that we I will be running on the 2nd of August! The race start in Kosovo and end in Makedonia. I feel determinated. I am going to focus on training legs in the gym. Because that is something I did not do for the Avala Mountain Race in Belgrad. I believe if I had better prepared my legs in the gym I would have finnished the race with a better time and mayby ended up on a better place than 8th. So I tried weightlifting today. I was at Roslagens Weightlifting club in Norrtälje and I loved it. I am going to be the best and strongest trailrunner that you ever have seen. I do go regular to the gym and lift, but not this type of lifting. Benchpress, deadlift etc. I believe that this type of lifting it benefit my skyrunning-elite-goals.

I am so superexcited that I have butterflies in my stomach alreadey! I am more worried of this race rather than the Greenland marathon. I cant put my finger on what it is actually. Probaly because I know that running on balkan is not the same as running in the western europe. The organisation, the language barrier, the culture.

Now I am gonna start sketching on trainingplans and how to adjust my body to run in a higher mountain.

Xoxo / the bear

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ADHD – chasing your dream against all odds

Dear reader,

I am surprised about how people are running away from me when I tell them about my ADHD. It is like they Believe that I have a nasty mad-cow or ebola desease that is going to jump on them.
I am constantly hear that people like us have two options in life. End up in jail  or become a drugaddict that lives on benefits. I want to prove you wrong. We are not criminals. We are just people with a special superpowers who are constantly hunted by society who want to cut of our special superpowerwings with a chainsaw. Just so we can come down to earth and walk together side by side with the others.

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I love my Ferrari super Power wings. They make me superfast and super productive. So superfast that people very often cant catch up with me. But there are days when I hate them to. They are just to big that I very often can´t walk through normal doors like the other people. The wings are so big so they become in the way instead.

It all started in junior school. I was a fast learner and good in many subjects. But there was a speedlimit of how fast you were aloud to drive. My superfast ferrari wings was not aloud to take out it´s full speedpotential. I was put in a small box and my engine slowly rutten away. I gave up hope about life and school. The engine have been destroyed in pieces made by the social constructed speedrules.

People like us have much more emotions than the normal people.
When we like someone, we love them.
When we are sad we are devastaded.
When we unlike something, we hate it.
We are just people with much emotions. It is like we have this HUGE gas tank that can be filled up with alot of gas, so much gas that we can go far much further than many people. We just go…and go…and keep on going.

People often misstake us for being immature in social events. We are not immature or unproffesional, we just have so much energy that we dont know where to put it even if we do our best to try.

Life is not a dance on roses when you have this letters. It cause many problems for us in life. But every mistake we do we learn from them.

When we want something realley bad, we are unstoppable. Nothing can come in our way. But we also need help from you guys. From you who are just so perfectly normal with normal sized wings whobeasily fit in to that little space in the box that society have giving us. Yelling at us is not going to help us in any way. Try to see how our superbig superpower wings are constructed instead of seeing the problem with us, that we cant fit in to that box. Mayby by help us to build a bigger box, so that we can fit in it.

I just went through a very bad phase recently. I lost my fulltime job after my ADHD went public at work and my biggest dream were about to being crushed. The Greenland-dream. I could not for the world understand what was and is wrong with me. I had two jobs and worked realley hard to save up to pay the rest of the trip meanwhile I was “getting my shit together” in private life. Until the day when the bomb was dropped. Nearly all my savings had go to of being unempoloyed. Now I have found an other job that I will start on in one week. And I see brighter light for the future, even if I have along way to go.

We ADHD people have the best gift of them all. We are very creative. Our brain is constantly working 24/7. 365 days a year. Day and night. It is thinking often, and produce ideas that one one will ever been thinking before. We are excellent problem resolvers.

So when my Greenland dream nearley were about to been crusched in to small pieces, I started to sketch up ideas of how I dont loose the grip of it. When we ADHD people have a dream, we go for it so badly, and we go for it so hard that not a nuclear attach could crush it.
We suck with money. Seriously.. I bought this saving-pig I can’t open unless I have this special construcer-worker scissor. My savings are in there. I know I cant have savingmoney on the bank because I will spend it. In Sweden we get a penny for every empty soda bottles that we recycle. So while I was unemployed I started to raid all the bins along the streets, treasurehunting for empty bottles. Mostly I did this in the night so no one would see me.
I told this to a person I knew. The response I got was that I have been sinking to low. It is only homeless people who are hunting for bottles in the bins.
I do not care. At least I am working towards my dream, and it is going very well. Soon I am back on track. While this person is talking behind my back, satisfied with life as it is, I am out there chasing my dream. So my treasurehunting for empty bottles have helped me to get back on track and my Greenlandtrip is now back as planned.. It is a very time consuming creative solution that takes alot of energy. But my dream is stronger so I know I will win over this obstacle. It bring me one step closer. As long as I keep in my motto that I should never give up. So far my bottlehuntig have gave me 20% of the money I lost that was ment to pay for the rest of the trip. I have alreadey payed a part of it. Now I have until august to find the rest of the 80%.

All solutions are aloud as long as it is not illegal. The memory will last forever.

ADHD people are unstoppable when it comes to something that they realley want.
Even if I failed my junior school, and it took me 5 years to complete high school I know I can look back at my life and be satisfied. My lettercombination have brought me so much memories that I will carry with me for the rest of my life. Memories that no one else would have done.
I am 24 year old and been coming far in life.

Everytime I am sad I am looking at my list of accomplishments and then I am back on track.

– At age 13 I started a youth party in my home town and was later elected as the chair headman. I had to bring in members over 18 so they could represent the party in the City Council meetings because I was to young.
– At age 15 I alreadey worked at weekends as a DJ.
– At age 17 I ran my own summer coffeeshop that was specialized in vegan sweets. I also toured around Sweden and Norway with Greenpeace.
– At age 19 I did a 4 weeks internship at Svalbard. Cold, icebears and realley dark.
– At age 20 I alreadey had a job during high school.
– Age 21, I am visiting countries that most people in western are afraid to. I went alone for a vacationtrip to Kosovo.
– Age 22, I moved abroad, living in a foreign country.
– Age 24, planning on how to get my Greenlanddream to come true.
– By age 40, I should have been taking over the world….naah…at least been to the northpole

So thank you ADHD for all the problem that you have caused me, so that I can grow from my mistakes and make bigger, greater and better things. I love you, and I hate you.

Xoxo / your hyper energeric little bear

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Kosovo?

I am realley want to doing the Sara Mountain Sky Race! It goes from Kosovo to Macedonia and the mountain goes up to 2300 metres!

It is the same organisation who are arrenge the event as the one I ran in Belgrad a few weeks ago. This one is more demanding..or….ALOT mor demanding. I realley want to have company with me. So if you are up for a challenge please contact me! :-)…
I am planning of flying direct to Pristina, because I am not so sure about the border in North Kosovo and if they want to let me in from South Serbia. They are a bit suspicious to people with russian names in Pristina.

You can read about the race here: http://www.skyrunning-serbia.com/sarplaninskiskyrace02avgusten.html

You can find the organisations website here: http://www.skyrunning-serbia.com

Kosovo is not that bad. People are just to confident and to lazy trying to see beyond medias exponasion.
My groundrules to survive Kosovo as a tourist is:
Stay to vegetarian food during the whole stay. I was a meateater when I visited Kosovo and I Went realley sick of eating the meat there.
Dont go on grass if you are on the contryside.
And if you are going to nightclubs – drink things from a bottle with a capsule!

So what do you say? Wanna follow?? I dont know why I always getting more attracted to this type of races. Probaly because it is something way beyond the secure boring “mellanmjölk”-feeling I get in Sweden. The races in Sweden is to perfect, people are to perfect, Everything is to perfect! It bores me to death.
If you are a foreigner reeding this – google up the terms: “lagom + Sweden”….then you will understand what I mean.

Meanwhile…..here is some pictures from summer 2013 when I was in Kosovo (alone) as a tourist. Enjoy while I am going out for a run!

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